Saturday, June 15, 2013

June Blog Challenge Day 15 - First Love

So, today I'm supposed to talk about my first love. The correct answer would be my husband, right?

Well, it's not. Sorry to disappoint.

I'd honestly say that I have fallen in love with every boyfriend I've ever had. I'm definitely one who gives every relationship everything I've got. If I don't see being with you the rest of my life, then I won't date you. I was never one to "go out on dates" in the sense that I'd go to dinner with someone once and then never see them again. I didn't do first dates or blind dates, I always dated someone who I was friends with first. Sometimes that worked out and we were able to stay friends after we broke up, but a few times our friendship fell apart after our relationship ended. I've never regretted any of my relationships, though.

If I really had to answer this question with only one name, I'd probably say my first love was Dan. I met Dan downtown during my hometown's event they had every Thursday throughout the summer. We had mutual friends and throughout the night we started joking around together and by the end of the night, I kissed him under a tree. I know, I was a hussy. I fell head over heels for him and I told my parents numerous times throughout our relationship what I was going to marry him.

We went to opposing schools and he was two years older than me. I was 16 or 17 when we met and we dated throughout the fall semester of my sophomore year in college. We got an apartment together my sophomore year of college which turned out to be the biggest mistake of our relationship as well as the best thing I ever did in my life. The first few months we lived together during the summer were great, we were in that honeymoon stage. But once I started school, things got bad. I was taking a full coarse load of art classes which were three hours each and required an extreme amount of work outside of class. I was also working two to three jobs at a time. Dan, however, had graduated tech school and was trying to find a job in his field, but wasn't working while he was searching. I would get home after being in school all day and then working at night and the apartment would be a mess. It was so bad that the only time my dad came over to see the apartment was when he was helping me move out.

I remember one night sobbing in our living room because I was afraid this is what my life was going to turn out to be. Living in the ghetto (literally,) with a guy who didn't support me as much as I supported him. I had a long talk with Dan and he promised me that he would get a job. Well, he did get a job eventually. We were standing in line waiting to get food stamps when the security guard came up to Dan and asked if he needed a job. I didn't give Dan a chance to answer, I told the security guard that yes, he'd take the job.

Even though Dan was working, things didn't get better. I was afraid that I had moved in with Dan too quickly, that I hadn't given myself the chance to really live the college life. A girlfriend I had met in my graphic design class told me that they needed a fourth person to move into their apartment in the spring. I had never lived with friends before! I had gone from living with my parents to living in the dorms to living with Dan. I never had the freedom of having my own room, of being able to go where I wanted to, of going out with friends. I told Dan that I wanted some space and that I was going to move in with the girls. I quickly lost everything over the next few weeks. My relationship with Dan was beyond repair. All of our mutual friends took his side, so I was suddenly left with no friends and no support. I was crushed for a while, but I got over it. I slept on my girlfriend's couch for a while until my lease with Dan was up.

During this time, I met Keegan, my future husband. For some reason I was at Dan's apartment when Keegan wanted to pick me up for our first date. I told Dan I was meeting a new friend, and I remember him saying the only reason a boy would drive an hour and a half to meet me was to sleep with me. Even though those first few months after my relationship ended with Dan were hard, eventually there was a happy ending. I met new friends though Keegan and the girlfriends I was living with. I learned so much about myself in that year that I was single. I learned how to be happy by myself. I didn't have to rely on anyone. I grew into who I am now.

Even though our relationship ended badly, I'm happy that I had my time with Dan. I learned that I needed a man who would work just as hard as I would for our relationship and our family. I learned that it really mattered to me if my family liked my significant other, and that I needed to like my partner's family as well. Maybe one day I'll write about how my relationship with Dan significantly affected my relationship with Keegan, but let's just say it worked out for the best.


  1. Sounds like you're right - it definitely worked out for the best. So glad you have Keegan!

  2. Thanks for sharing. "Love" is often another term for "infatuation," which literally means, "to be in a state of unreasonable and short-lived passion." The word "fatuous" means "deluded and self-deceiving." We are, when we are in a state of infatuation, quite literally "out of our minds" and our brains are drenched in hormones and chemicals like endorphins and oxytocin that produce irresistible sensations, feelings and urges. online free dating site for singles